bad, bad news

okay, so i was almost expecting something like this to happen. but maybe not. i got blindsided this afternoon after i got back from lunch. the message light on my work phone was blinking. i call the voicemail and who was it? the surgeon i saw in the ER. now let me tell you from experience that if you get a call from the doc after they tell you everything is okay, it's a very bad sign. so i give him a call and sure enough, they found an "abnormality" on my ct scan. it's in the area of the large intestine called the cecum which is next to the appendix. of course the doc wasn't willing to jump to any conclusions. "oh, it's probably just nothing." i've heard that one before, and it turned out i had a brain tumor. they just don't want to alarm the patient before they know for sure. since i still have pain in that area and acromegalics are at least 2.5 times more likely to develop colorectal cancer, it's pretty obvious to me as to what it is. now it's just a waiting game. i need to have a "consultation" appointment w/ the doc who's doing the scope before they'll even schedule it. so that appointment is next wednesday. ironically, next wednesday is the two year anniversary of my brain surgery. so, we know something is there. is it just a polyp? a benign tumor? or is it a malignant one? only time will tell. if it's the later, then i'd say i'm in a whole heap of trouble. it's the number 2 (no pun intended) cancer killer in the western world. basically, if you have a malignant tumor that has metastisized, you're pretty much toast.

so maybe wishes do come true. i wish for death and here i'm faced with it. i'm not sure how i feel about it at this point. all i can think about right now is it's party time! i feel like drinking and getting fucked up. why not? i'm not taking any of this beer with me to the grave.